So today, I am just moved a bit on the inside to talk about connection or intimacy, or depth of friendship-however one would want to think of it. It is something that I am not so skilled at, when it comes to talking about it and I think I could do better when it comes to my own relationships, but with all honesty it is something that I believe is beautiful when it happens right.
I remember watching a documentary, “Martha and Nikki,” about two girls who became the hip-hop dancing world champions; I remember being enraptured by the way that the connection between the two was portrayed in the documentary and just getting the urge to learn the language they were speaking; as if to say the language would be what creates that level of connection with another human being.
Some of my favourite movies, I know I love because of the connection that they manage to capture between two individuals and case in point, is one of my all-time favourite ones-Bridge to Terabithia; a poignant story of a recluse young boy Jess, and the fun-loving and honest Leslie who became his best friend albeit only for a short while.
Done well; connection captures the fullness of what I believe our human relations ought to be-vulnerable but secure; open and exposed but at the same time sheltered and protected. I see it as one of the most wonderful gifts a person could possess-to be fully loved and accepted for who you are by another, who simultaneously gives you the same gift-it is like a precious gem that I believe one must hold on to dearly; cherishing and protecting fiercely for so easy it is for us as people to take one another’s hearts and affections for granted.
Possibly I say this because I am fully aware of the mountain of insecurities that I had; (that the love of God is continuing to deal with and make smaller every day) the reasons I felt inadequate and afraid to be honestly known; the shame and the guilt that made me wilt at every attempt for connection and friendship—the mistrust that characterized how I viewed everyone I see; a double edged sword that made me MR RIGHT in my own eyes and everyone else subject to the judgments that in my heart I held.
And possibly I say this knowing that it is because of these fears that I missed out on many a great friendship; and because of these fears I found the pain of being alone easier to deal with than the pain of actually developing a good friendship.
But even though that may be true, and my reasons may make me more acutely sensitive to the realities of connection, I believe it does not take away from the beauty of the truth; and that from time to time it may be necessary to sit back in reconnaissance; taking in the beauty of what we have and allowing ourselves to see the unchained beauty God gave to us in this thing called connection.