So it was Valentine’s Day yesterday; and it may have been a great day or it may have been just like any other day. Whether or not one is a believer; that is not the reason I am writing this blog today. I am writing to the person who yesterday, maybe felt lonely; unlovely and afraid. The person to whom yesterday served as an unwelcome reminder of unwanted singleness and whose thought life was plagued with accusations of inadequacy and unloveliness.
I know how such a day can be just a painful reminder to one who earnestly seeks a partner but finds themselves without one. Maybe you were looking at your age; at the number you write whenever asked and you were thinking; “Wow that is high. Where and when will I celebrate like everyone else?” And maybe no one really understands the pain; but rather all you receive is judgement and shame and all the insensitive questions. And for these reasons; maybe you shy away from even the simple thought that someone out there may find you attractive and endearing; and even as you are reading this, you are thinking that is so my story.
Take heart for it shall be well are the first words that I have to say to you. It shall be well. I write what I write with love in my heart though what I say may not sound loving; but this is I believe because love is honest and holds fast to the truth. And also, I have realized that it is better to be temporarily pained by truth which will heal you, than to allow someone to bear the often heavy burden of lonely pain because we are afraid of what our words can do. From experience; I can tell you that the pain of loving confrontation is much better than that incurred daily when we choose to be in denial.
It would be too easy for me to say it will all happen in God’s time and leave it there as if we have no part to play in how the tapestry of our lives unravel. But I know that is not true. God does not have us on remote control; where he can pause and play as He wants but He has made us capable of choice and our lives will follow the manner of our choices. He is in charge in that his authority and power cannot be contested; but He is not in control because He has given us the free will to co-operate or walk against Him. Secondly, our Father is not in the business of making choices for us that we ought to make for ourselves. He will guide us on the selection process for a partner, but He will not choose for us.
Another thing we also need to realize is this: I believe marriage is God given; but has been abused and wrongfully elevated to be an all curing balm. It is beautiful, it is a strong and secure place of intimacy and a shelter from the buffetings of life when done right; but even then it will still be a lot of work. It is a pure fallacy to believe that a marriage or relationship will be the cure to all our insecurities and fears. In another manner of speaking; if you cannot fully enjoy the time of being single and free; do not think marriage will be any better.
I write this not too negate or demean the pain that you may be experience—no; that is not the case. Your pain is real, and it needs to be recognized to be dealt with as such. Turn therefore my friend to the right source for such affirmation and for the washing away of your insecurities. Turn your gaze my friend to your maker, to your friend—one who knows how you are woven from the inside out. One who is intimate and aware of your greatest triumphs and most horrible failures; who after all this still calls you beautiful and lovely and whose attention will not depart from you.
Turn my friend to the Lord, who by His Spirit will give you the answer to just how beautiful and worthy you are. Turn my friend to the Lord who if it is wisdom you need will give it to you in abundance; turn my friend to Him who gave it all for the Love He has for you…His name is wonderfuland holy and beautiful…His name is Jesus.