So I will admit final year had my number; with the hectic nature of last minute project deadlines and assignments meaning I literally had no time to be here and sharing what I believe to be a good word that will bear good fruit in your life. My apologies.
For in sex outside marriage, your worth is simply your performance; your value is measured by your ability to give a momentary thrill and in spite of the fact that you literally open up every part of you to someone, that may never be enough. “Too small: Unsatisfying: Boring: incapable of satisfying the partner—the whispers of rejection that always make one wonder afterwards. And when it is known that one has failed to satisfy the partner, the failing one’s esteem sinks. Their opinion of themselves erodes, and shame sets in. You ask yourself questions like “Am I good enough? Am I man/woman enough? ” And where do you go from there knowing the person you have failed to satisfy you already feel more than connected to? Where do you go from moments before “The chemistry was amazing, it feels like it will last forever”and moments later “Do they still love/like me after this performance? Will they stick around or will they go when I have already given them the most intimate physical part of myself?” And when the relationship fails what next with the feelings that are now confused in your heart?
You see my friend, people can pretend all they want not to be affected by sex and claim that no bond is built but the reality is it is. It connects people in a way that is supposed to cement an existing love. And love is more than chemistry and some fuzzy feelings; it is commitment and the decision that says I will be there no matter what and I will be here for you in spite of your flaws. And in a context where one is loved, is sex to be enjoyed as you know you are giving up the most important part of yourself to someone who will not measure you just by your momentary performance but by someone who already values you and has committed themself to you and to you alone.
And thats another thing-people can pretend all they want that they like sharing but that is a lie. It hurts because we all want to experience a love that is committed and there for us and that places us in a position where we are special and not shared. Within the commitment of marriage, you know that tomorrow morning inspite of your performance, they will be there; that they will be willing to learn with you how to make sex the most enjoyable for you two without leaving you heartbroken and searching for another. This whole business that sex should be perfect the first time is an elaborate lie from Hollywood and all other associated sources that forgets to remind you that you are human and that everything you do (sex included) you can only get better with practice.
Within a commitment of marriage, with two willing partners, sex will only get better as it expresses the love they have for one another and there is no fear of either leaving and both are free to express themselves out of love. Outside of commitment, you open your heart to be broken and for heartache. You set yourself up in such a manner you are bonded emotionally to so many people you forget who you are. You forsake the well of peace within and in its stead your emotional life just becomes a storm-predictable only in terms of its capacity to destroy and leave a trail of broken friendships, sadness and a few highs that you will call “kumbofara muupenyu.”
Hence sex before marriage is a can of worms I am not interested in and I will gladly take my position knowing in marriage I will experience amazing sex. –Ya, that’s another thing; the world will patronise you for deciding to wait and call you a bore etc in an attempt to intimidate you and put you down. You will be called a prude, old fashioned and at times this will come from people who “go to church” But this is the reality; waiting does not mean you do not want to enjoy sex or that you think its evil. It simply means you recognise that waiting for marriage is the guy who orders his meal at the quality restaurant and is patient until it is ready whilst not waiting is the guy who goes to the bin and says I am hungry now so I will eat my stale beans because “chandinoda kuguta”.
I have written this in love.
Be blessed and set free in the name of Jesus.